This information may or may not reflect the thoughts or opinions of either myself, my associates, my friends, my enemies or my cat; don't quote me on that; don't quote me on anything; specifications are subject to change without notice; pictures may be slightly enlarged to show detail; any resemblance to actual or imaginary persons, living or dead, is unintentional and purely coincidental; hand wash only, tumble dry on low heat; do not bend, fold, mutilate, or spindle; your mileage may vary; no substitutions allowed; for a limited time only; this special offer is void where prohibited, taxed, or otherwise restricted;  information is provided "as is" without any warranties expressed or implied; user assumes full liabilities; not liable for damages due to use or misuse; an equal opportunity employer; no shoes, no shirt, no service; quantities are limited while supplies last; if defects are discovered, do not attempt to fix them yourself, but return to an authorized service center; caveat emptor; read at your own risk; parental advisory -explicit lyrics; text may contain material some readers may find objectionable, parental guidance is advised; keep away from sunlight, pets, and small children; limit one-per-family please; no money down; no purchase necessary; you need not be present to win; some assembly required; batteries are not included; action figures sold separately; no preservatives added; safety goggles may be required during use; sealed for your protection, do not use if the safety seal is broken; call before you dig; for external use only; if a rash, redness, irritation, or swelling develops, discontinue use; use only with proper ventilation; avoid extreme temperatures and store in a cool dry place; keep away from open flames and avoid inhaling fumes; avoid contact with mucous membranes; do not puncture, incinerate, or store above 120 degrees Fahrenheit; do not place near flammable or magnetic source; reading and thinking about these pages may be hazardous to your health; the best safeguard, second only to abstinence, is the use of a good laugh; text used on these web pages is made from 100% recycled electrons and magnetic particles; no animals were used to test these pages nor the ideas contained within; no salt, MSG, artificial color or flavor added; if ingested, do not induce vomiting, if symptoms persist, consult a physician; slippery when wet; must be 18 to enter; possible penalties for early withdrawal; slightly higher west of the Rockies; allow four to six weeks for delivery; warranty does not cover hurricane, lightning, tornado, tsunami, volcanic eruption, earthquake, flood, and other Acts of God, misuse, neglect, unauthorized repair, damage from improper installation, typos, misspelled words, incorrect line voltage, missing or altered serial numbers, sonic boom vibrations, electromagnetic radiation from nuclear blasts, customer
adjustments that are not covered in the information given, random enforcement of Murphy's Law, and incidents owing to motor vehicle accidents, airplane crash, ship sinking, leaky roof, falling rocks, mud slides, forest fire, broken glass, flying projectiles, or dropping the item; other restrictions may apply.  If something offends you, lighten up, get a life, and move on.